I love every single thing about Christmas. All the hoopla. Tree, music, lights, traditions, baking, togetherness, decorating. And baby Jesus, of course. But this year is sort of kicking my a*ss. And it’s only December 20th. Christmasing with kids is magical but exhausting. Now you’ve got to add the Santa hat on top of all the others.
Read MoreAster is One. A big milestone. For her. For me. For all of us. Constant change and growth and evolution. I am repeatedly humbled by the process of raising children while simultaneously trying to raise myself. To keep learning about life and how I can do it better. What do I want to model for my children? Patience, love, kindness, calm, ease, joy, freedom, self-love. A life of service and faith. Of commitment, honesty and purpose. Of Fun. All the things I’m (still) trying to manage in my daily choices and life.
Read MoreI’m feeling all kinds of momma emotions right now. Aster is teething. Her bottom two teeth were the first to arrive. Now her top two front teeth are coming in and she’s feeling it. A bit cranky. Uncomfortable. Confused. She’s not feverish or ear achey and she is thank you God napping and night sleeping like a dream. But, she’s biting. She’s biting everything she can jam into her mouth. Mostly my boobs.
Read MoreI just got home from dropping Sienna off at school. Kindergarten, Day 1. It is surreal to have her somewhere else besides next to me. The past 6 months our family unit has functioned as One. Together. Connected. Feels sort of like a limb is missing. But oh yes we needed this moment. She needs it. I most definitely need it. I cried at drop off. Sienna threw on her backpack, gave me hugs + kisses + I love you’s and hopped out of the car. Pink puppy mask and all. There she went. Off I drove. Alone in the car. So f*ing strange.
Read More180 days. 6 months. They are reeeeaaaaal hazy. I’m tired but still pulling from the well of energy that somehow finds you in Motherhood. Like you should be so exhausted you can’t string a sentence together or brush your teeth and yet you’re sterilizing bottle parts at 10pm, folding laundry, freezing breastmilk and preparing to “not sleep” for the next 8 hours. It’s nuts.
Every item on this list is a game changer. If it resonates with you, get it. Don’t research, read reviews, scroll until your eyes bleed at 3am. I’ve already done that (you’re welcome).
Read MoreSienna went to karate camp last week. And she is going again this week. Every morning from 8am-ish until noon. Obviously after 70+ days of The Stay Home this was a very, very big deal. I lost sleep over this decision. Piper and I talked about it (a lot). I changed my mind (a lot). But it was a calculated risk we were willing to take. For our family, it was the right decision. At least I hope it was.
Read MoreMy toddler has stopped asking to go to the playground. She’s stopped asking when she will go back to real school, when she’ll see her friends. When we’ll go to the grocery store, to Nana’s house, out for pizza and ice cream. She also doesn’t ask me anymore if I am going to tuck her to bed. She doesn’t ask where my “nighttime eyes” are. This is what she calls it when I’m wearing mascara. Which means that mom + dad are going out. This is our normal.
Read MoreI felt suffocated today. Contained. Claustrophobic. Zero personal space. Everywhere I turned was a kid. Connected to me, hanging on me, eating from me, crying to me, loving me, needing me. And then there's a husband. A pile of laundry. A beeping dishwasher shouts I’m clean but I have no time to empty it. Projects in various states of undone. A mess that needs cleaned up. Baby toys. Toddler toys. Packages on the front porch that still needed opened, sterilized, cleaned, put away.
Read MoreIt’s a good thing. Being absolutely terrified. It means some of the best parts of your life are right there on the other side, a moment away. Without exception it is the pit in my stomach, trust-your-gut sensation that tells me everything I need to know. It tells me Yes - do that thing. That impossible thing you should not/cannot do for a million different reasons. Yes. That one.
Read MoreI wrote this when Sienna was 4 weeks young. I’ve left it unchanged. It was exactly who I was at that time and I want to hold space and truth for that girl. That girl becoming a Mother. It is Sienna’s birth story as much as it is mine.
Read MoreI’m sleeping more at night. Obviously making a huge difference. I don’t feel like I’m bracing myself at every turn. My eyes don’t burn. I’m brushing my teeth, washing my face and applying my nightime skincare routine. I’m showering and putting on lotion. I even shaved my legs yesterday. I am feeling more human. Starting to do the things I previously did as habit, as non-negotiables. Until they became negotiable. When newbornland and toddlerhood and motherhood and wifedom and the holidays and a new decade all collided into each other at once.
Read MoreAs I sit to write this Aster is 13 days young. She is fresh and new and magical. And so am I. I’ve now experienced making, growing and birthing two tiny humans. I can say with certainty that as I bring a child into this world I also bring a new version of myself. The experience is transforming on every level - it rocks my physical, emotional and spiritual self to the core.
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