my baby is three years young

This is my attempt to grasp at all the feels of being a Mom to this magical human. Of remembering the everyday moments of watching a tiny life grow, unfold, blossom. To mark them, to remember them, to hold them even though I know that the only way I can do so is in words and feels and love.

That as sharp and piercing as they feel now, time will apply a layer of blur and haze. These memories tapped out into words is my way of marking a season of life and time that simultaneously stands still (is it bedtime yet?!) and moves at mach speed (3?! how?).

From looking into Aster’s eyes 1,095 days ago to now, this moment, it’s like a time warp that I can’t get my head around. And I don’t think I’m supposed to. It’s too much. It’s greater than our humanness, it’s a love and connection made of the divine. 

My sweet daughter, may you continue to be my little buddha, teaching me and challenging me to grow into my fullness as I watch and support you along your own evolution. I love you most plus one more, infinity, forever and always.   

CURRENTLY ASTER // Things I Never Want to Forget

If I had to pick a word, it would be Independent. Everything is “I can do it by myself,”  said with the confidence of a child twice her age. Picking out her own outfits (her pink tutu birthday dress is the current fav on repeat), selecting & putting on her shoes (I don’t even try to fight it. She loves shoes, and we mostly end up with sparkle sandals on the wrong feet for the playground). She picks out her own snacks, packs & carries her own backpack. She does Aster how she is going to do Aster.  

She has big thoughts that she shares with the tenderest, most loving smile and voice. When she really wants to get me she’ll wrap her sweet hands around my face, and in her most angelic tone say “it’s okay mommy, I love you, I’m going to ride my scooter now all by myself.”  Cue Mom Melt. 

She is up for anything and can hang with her 7 year old sister who she gazes upon with sparkles in her eyes (and sometimes pushes, I mean, they are sisters). As little sis, it’s like she knows she’s getting to do all kinds of things Sienna did not get to experience at her age - 2nd child bonus - more ice cream and skipped naps, Legoland, Disney on Ice, fairs, trampoline parks, boat rides, travel, dinners out - these things are Aster’s norm.

For the baby years it was easier to leave her at home for all the obvious reasons, but this past year from 2 to 3, I needed her with us, always. Things felt incomplete without her so I selfishly disrupted her regular schedule to keep her close. She often says, “and I’m coming, too, right Mommy?" and she now knows the answer is always, “yes, you too, baby. Always.”

She is truly my happy, happy girl. She giggles and bounces and runs to me at full tilt when I come into a room. She is a dream sleeper and wakes up around 6:15am smiling, having created a full event in her crib with all her lovies and stuffed animals. Yes, she still sleeps in her crib although could easily be in a big girl bed. I’m just holding on. She asks frequently now about the big girl bed and tells me how she wants her changing table out of her room because “I don’t wear diapers, mommy!”. I know, baby. I know. I’ll get there (soon), I promise. It all makes my heart explode. 

She loves painting. Sit her down with watercolors, a cup of water, a brush and 10 white pages of printer paper and I have to check on her every 5 minutes because she is so quiet. She loves to show me each one and tell me who they are for. 

Her favorite things these days:  packing bags and backpacks full of “treasures” (any toy/sparkly thing/stuffed animal) she can find.  Her babies, strollers, diaper bags - she has an entourage of stuff and will lug it from the playroom to another corner of the house “all by herself.”  Her big imagination on fire. She loves swimming, the playground, school, her friends. She loves Peppa Pig and anything Frozen/Elsa.  Bouncing on the trampoline and eating mommy popsicles. Dinners at buccan and after church brunch at Grato.  

MILESTONES, MOMENTS & TRAVELS

November 9, 2021: 2 years to the day after your birth was your first day of school! You were so excited to put on your jumper, carry your new backpack and get to go with your sister rather than dropping her off and cruising away me. You didn’t flinch, cling or look back when you went into your classroom. I drove away in happy/sad tears, feeling the absence of you the whole day. You loved school from Day 1.

We spent Thanksgiving & Christmas at home with our family, indulged in every delicious game day food at Grato’s Superbowl Party, we celebrated Nana’s Wedding, you had your first school field day as a flamingo.

Your first Florida staycation was over Spring Break at Legoland (you loved the Peppa Pig Park) & Westgate River Ranch (airboats, swamp buggies, campfires, rodeos). We turned your room into a magical pink garden, first trip to the Rapids for Sienna’s 7th birthday. We took lots of airplanes and long car rides for a summer trip to Ohio (momma’s roots) and North Carolina to visit summer camps (Sienna’s headed to Greystone this summer!). We watched Elsa and Moana at Disney on Ice. We played and celebrated life in the big and small moments.

GOODBYE 2, ONTO 3 

Aster’s 2’s started with her baptism and a big,  pink, rainbow & unicorn celebration with family and friends. Covid had kept us pretty low key (note my sarcasm here)  the previous years so we were ready to celebrate and get back into life, family, friends, connection and celebration. 

The difference in me as a second time Mom is pretty huge. I’m like, “sure, go for it!” versus the “okay but let me help you” said dripping with fear.  Thank you Jesus that the hum of panic that quietly lurked in the background as a new Mom hasn’t been reborn with Aster. And I also have that throb in my heart of knowing this is my last baby.  Just typing that gives me a lump in my throat.

I’ve fully embraced the past year (errrr, 8?) as a full-time Mom. I don’t want to miss a second, even though on somedays that makes me a maniac. Th only thing we know for sure in this life is that change is guaranteed. Everything will shift and morph and evolve and our job is to live fully in the moment. Pause. Receive. Stay and thank God for the ride of a lifetime.