Sienna went to karate camp last week. And she is going again this week. Every morning from 8am-ish until noon. Obviously after 70+ days of The Stay Home this was a very, very big deal. I lost sleep over this decision. Piper and I talked about it (a lot). I changed my mind (a lot). But it was a calculated risk we were willing to take. For our family, it was the right decision. At least I hope it was. Like a thousand other parenting decisions I’ve made and not really been sure of what to do, I went with my gut. How does the decision feel? Not is it right or wrong. And even if it turns out that another option or choice is better, you just pivot. Just make a new choice. No guilt. I’m over that.

And we went to a 5 year old’s birthday party. It was small, but still. It was more people than we’d been around in months.

When we walk or bike around town there are more people out. Eating at restaurants. Going to hair appointments and getting cold brews from Starbucks. Shopping for pleasure at non-essential businesses. Going to the beach. Slowly tip toeing back into a life outside of home. It feels both normal and strange. I think we’ll slowly and intentionally keep opening up our life over the next few weeks. Not so much a rip the bandaid off approach but pull a little back at a time.

We’ve had a lot of big things happen during The Stay Home:

Baby Aster was just 4 months old when it all started happening. Covid-19. Coronavirus. Quarantine. I was coming out of the fog of postpartum/newbornland and ready to reclaim a little bit of Me. To get dressed. To banish the messy bun. To see what I looked like with makeup on. To date my husband. To have manicured nails and pink toes. Shaved legs. A drink with a friend. Days where yoga and sweat and movement were no longer rare exceptions but daily happenings. To write and create. To use my brain (oh the mushy baby brain is so real). Not one of these things happened before the shut down. When I was ready to have a bonfire with my loungewear the world declared it the new wardrobe staple of 2020. F*ck.

And so. It was difficult not to throw in the towel. To just stay in the murk. But I did one thing, then the next, and the next and slowly - by focusing on accomplishing just one thing - the dominos started toppling over all by themselves. I ordered (and used) a pedicure kit I bought on Amazon (obviously). And I got this nail polish that I’m now obsessed with. I ditched all my sweats/pjs/loungewear and replaced them with things that made me feel pretty. I reached out to a local trainer who saved me with 20 minute HIIT workouts and virtual motivation and encouraging texts. I sat down to meditate after I put the kids to bed. These things seem small (and are in theory), but it’s a reminder that the small, micro things we do everyday are the big things (read this if you don’t believe me. It’s why I do air squats while my coffee’s brewing, leg lifts when I’m blending a smoothie and call it a workout!). I started to feel like I was coming back to life a little every day.

Okay pause for a moment - here’s what’s happening at home as I write this. There’s a rain/thunderstorm outside, Aster is crying (let’s be honest, wailing), Sienna is in the bathtub, I’ve got to get dinner going, and I’m thinking about what the next 2 hours will be like if Aster doesn't nap (sucky). And I’m sitting here trying to get my thoughts out. To treat myself to some word therapy. Actually my brain feels like it’s going to explode, I feel anxiety and overwhelm. This is not the time for words.

I’m back.

Whew. Lemme tell ya. It’s been a day.

I know you know. It’s 10:18pm. Usually I am dead to the world by 9:30pm, but here I am. Writing after tough days is my palate cleanser. It removes the residue of the day, prepares me to receive what’s coming next. When I don’t do it, I feel it.

More big stuff that’s happened. Piper and I both celebrated our birthdays. Our mom’s birthdays, too. And Mother’s Day. As restaurant owners there’s been that whole situation. A biggie. Capital Letter Big.

Just a few weeks before everything we put our house on the market. We’ve looked and researched and searched a lot for our next Home. We are ready. Now a big pause.

I know these are all just things. We are healthy, happy, safe. We are the lucky ones, I know. But it doesn't mean that the other stuff doesn’t matter or we’re not allowed to miss it. This week my tip toeing back into the world will hopefully look like a haircut and pink toes. Small things that make a big difference.